Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played Sunday football together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,"

"Mike--Mike." "Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Mike--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice." "Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Mike. "The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're playing Tuesday."

Posted on 13 Sep 2007 by muflihi

Thanks to James for sending us this joke.

A man got on a bus and as soon as he sat down he felt a bump he went to up to the bus driver and said "what was that?"

The bus driver replied it was just a cat so the man goes sit down again and once again he feels a bump he goes up to the driver and says "what was that?"

The bus driver replied again it was a dog. This time when he sat down he felt two bumps so he goes up to the bus driver and said "what was it this time?"

This time the bus driver says "it was just a Man U fan." Then the other guy says but I felt two bumps." Then the bus driver said " I had to go up the curb to get him."

Posted on 09 May 2007 by muflihi

Gawd this is dodgy at best...anything better? Send me your jokes via feedback.

Last year, my aged Great Aunt, who is more than a bit senile, gave me a Fulham season ticket for Christmas. Not wanting it, I took it down to Fulham, and nailed it to the gates. A couple of weeks later, I had a change of heart, and decided that it was stupid to give something as valuable as that to any old stranger, so I went to retrieve the prized item. When I returned, however, it was too late.
Someone had nicked the nail.

Posted on 18 Apr 2007 by muflihi

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman's husband also comes home. Panicked, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy "I have a football."

Man "That's nice."

Boy "Want to buy it?"

Man "No, thanks."

Boy "My dad's outside."

Man "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy "Dark in here."
Man "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy "$750"

Man "Sold."

A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of footy. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots." The father says, "What?! Why?! How much did you sell them for?" Boy - "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. You're going to church to confess!"

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again".

Posted on 06 Mar 2007 by muflihi

Seeing as someone became so sensitive after reading the joke just below about the Hammers I thought it would only be fair to lay the boot in again....

WEST HAM manager Alan Curbishley has blamed bird flu for turning his multi-million pound side into a bunch of lame turkeys. Since joining the Hammers Curbishley has done what he does best: trying to keep Charlton up.

Posted on 26 Feb 2007 by muflihi